I Should Have Done 5 More Pushups This Morning…

Ever since the month of May ended, the Twins have been going through a rather rough stretch. After holding a commanding lead of the AL Central, they have now fallen to *gasp* 3rd place, and yet they only have….oh man, HALF THE SEASON left to go? They’re never going to make it!

Along with the recent news that Cliff Lee is off to receive the Nolan Ryan treatment in Texas, Twins fans are rather frustrated right now. Well… the players are frustrated as well. Clearly they can’t be happy with losing all these games, but another issue has been the lack of home runs at Target Field. Apparently averaging one and a half home runs per game between you and your opponent isn’t enough for fans or the players. Everyone would much rather see video game-quantity home runs. Unfortunately, that’s just not going to happen. The Minnesota Twins are here to express their frustration with being unable to send baseballs to Souvenir City. Thus, here is their newest song, to Foreigner’s “Jukebox Hero.”

Cuddy and the Lawn Mauers, “Bandbox Hero”

Standing in the rain, want a final blow
Fans grasp tight their tickets, it was a sold out show
Heard the roar of the crowd, I could picture the scene
I’ll hit it past the wall, just like I do in dreams

I’ll hit it so far, it’ll blow them away
I see fear in their eyes, I’ll have the final say
Just try to pull the string, go and try it once more
Didn’t think I could crush it, should have known before

I’ve hit it far, can’t wait to slap hands
Didn’t take long to understand
I’ve hit it far, that pitch down low
Has a one way ticket, only one place to go

So I started jogging, ball’s never gonna drop
Gonna keep on jogging, someday ball’s flight path will finally stop

But this ain’t Bandbox Hero (Looked good in our eyes)
This ain’t Bandbox Hero, I hit it so far
Bandbox Hero (See with our eyes)
Bandbox Hero (See with our eyes) Ain’t goin’ out tonight

As the crowd screamed out my name, it’s a heavy downpour
Thought I crushed it to the Dome, past the corner store
That ball fell down so fast, as the outfielder came
Thought I’d hit a car, now the outcome changed

So much for home run trotting, heard the glove pop
Gotta stop my jogging, my game winner is just a flop

I ain’t no Bandbox Hero (We see with our eyes)
Ain’t no Bandbox Hero (We see with our eyes)
No Bandbox Hero (See with our eyes)
Could have hit a car, I sure did try (See with our eyes)
Sure did try tonight

Yeah, wish I was still trotting, yet had to stop
Wish I was jogging, I sure didn’t finish on top

I ain’t no Bandbox Hero (Looked good in our eyes)
I’m no Bandbox Hero (We see with our eyes)
I hit it far, Bandbox Hero (We see with our eyes)
I’m not your Bandbox Hero
Bandbox Hero, Bandbox Hero
Looked so good in our eyes, good in our eyes

One Response to “I Should Have Done 5 More Pushups This Morning…”

  1. The Breakup of a Band « Off The Mark Says:

    […] is shrug their shoulders and ground out to second base. Michael Cuddyer is what made such hits as “Bandbox Hero” and my personal favorite of any baseballing satire musical act, “Outdoor Subsidy,” as […]

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