Closer Music


Well, at least that’s what Joe Nathan and the Twins want us to do during a save situation. Every closer has some sort of music that blasts over their home park’s loudspeakers to pump up the closer, the fans, and let everyone know, “We’re only 3 outs away from winning this game, then we can celebrate even more!” Sometimes, the music causes chills to run down your spine. Maybe you become super-pumped to see a legitimate star (or Mike MacDougal, hehe) enter the game. Or if you’re visiting another ballpark, maybe you have fear knowing that your team is so close to losing the game. Metallica’s “Enter Sandman” for Mariano Rivera and Billy Wagner, “Hells Bells” for Trevor Hoffman, Steel Dragon’s “Stand Up And Shout” for Joe Nathan. If it sounds menacing, it’s probably someone’s entrance music.

Even now, when the dream will clearly no longer come true, I daydream of myself being a closer. Pick out the right song on my iPod, close my eyes, and suddenly I’m in the Metrodome (now Target Field) doing my best Todd Coffey sprint to the pitcher’s mound. However, I’d prefer to avoid the common songs, like “Hells Bells” and “Enter Sandman,” because I feel that the song isn’t as special when someone else is or has already used it. If I was a closer, my first song would be…

Sum 41, “Pain For Pleasure” (gotta love the name, huh?)

The seas have parted, the ending’s started
The sky has turned to black
A killing spree through eternity
The devil stabs you in the back
It’s midnight now, you must escape somehow
Torture is his leisure
Don’t try to hide, he’ll make you subside
As he exchanges pain for pleasure

Pain for pleasure
He’s the hunter, you’re the game!
Pain for pleasure
Satan is his name!

Look out!

I don’t think I need to do much analysis of this song, although I do feel that a perfect time to announce myself would be 25 seconds into the song. Now pitching for the Twins, number double zero,* Andrew Bryz-Gornia!

* Yes, 00 would be my number.

Here’s my other choice, from my favorite band (though the song comes from one of their worst albums, in my opinion)…

Thrice, “The Red Death” (even better name, eh?)

Click to play song

Disclaimer 1: The link I’m using will allow you to hear the full song only once. I can’t find any good non-live versions anywhere else, so if you’re directed to a 30-second clip of the song, please tell me.

Disclaimer 2: If you’re not a fan of “screamo,” I suggest you pause the song once you get to around 1:50. You’re really only missing the last 25 seconds of the song.

Entertain the hope that somehow you’ll escape me
Weld the bolts and close the iron gates
Drink deeply the illusion of your safety
My, how wishful thoughts inebriate

Masquerade and revel in your opulence
Writhe unfettered by your stabs at ignorance

Swim through hues and whispered tones of heresy
A dozen strokes to run your blood cold enough to believe
Remember me?

You look so surprised to see me here
With hell’s black wings did I o’erperch these walls
For stony limits cannot hold me out
And now you all die!

I suppose both songs referencing killing the opponent is a bit over the top; however, the fact that they’re both only about 2 min. in length is a plus, as is the overall tone of each song. Also, if someone put together a kick-ass compilation of Metallica’s “All Nightmare Long,”* I’d probably like that as well.

* It’s over 7 minutes long. Clearly a compilation is necessary.

So now that I’ve poured a tiny part of my fuzzy little heart out to all of you, I have one last thing to ask: If you were a MLB closer, what would your song be?


8 Responses to “Closer Music”

  1. Josh Says:

    Double-zero… really, Junior Ortiz?

    My closer song would be “Crazy Train” by Ozzie Osborne. I’d also strongly consider “Beast and the Harlot” by Avenged Sevenfold and “Crawling” by Linkin Park.

    • Andrew Says:

      Don’t forget Brandon Watson, who was briefly with the Nationals. (Picture #6):

      I’d like all of those songs, but I’d probably put “Crawling” first.

    • Doctor_Teh Says:

      wow josh, i am so down with your taste in music.

      I do often think about how much I like the atmosphere of closers coming in, even when I hate closers in general, when listening to Metallica. I think I would have to go with one of their songs even though I love Dream Theater and Avenged Sevenfold…I’m pretty sure I would have to go with End of The Line by Metallica though…

      Awesome guitar solo for about 15 seconds then cut to:

      The end of the line.
      The end of the line.
      The end of the line.
      You’ve reached the end of the line.

      Cue Firework display, spontaneous standing ovation and 3 k’s on 9 pitches.

      • Andrew Says:

        That song’s not on Guitar Hero: Metallica…no wonder I don’t recognize it.

        Does that also include spontaneous twitching with the 3 K on 9 pitches?

  2. Josh Says:

    You really can’t go wrong with Metallica… that’s about as badass as you can get in the 9th inning.

    Now that I’ve thought about this more, I think I’d actually choose one of the following:

    Muse’s “Uprising” actually could be stellar with the refrain’s words being perfect… “They will not force us, they will stop degrading us, they will not control us, WE WILL BE VICTORIOUS!”

    I also like “The Bird and the Worm” by The Used, complete with maniacal laughter at the end. The instrumental is currently being used for the Clash of the Titans trailer and it’s pretty awesome.

    • Andrew Says:

      Honestly, I’d add some thunderclaps to the end of “Pain For Pleasure” once the music cuts out. I don’t know why, but I just think it would be even cooler with that.

      I saw that trailer and I heard the music thinking “Holy crap, this sounds awesome!” Then I thought about it and realized that it was “The Bird and the Worm,” which is probably the only The Used song that I really like. I also like “Uprising,” especially for the lyrics in this case, but I almost feel like I’d want something a little heavier than that.

      The seas have parted, the ending’s started
      The sky has turned to black…

      Talking about this has put that song into my head now :-) Despite all these compliments of mine for these suggestions, I’ll still stick with my first choice.

  3. Larry Smith Jr. Says:

    Have you ever watched wrestling at any point in your life? If so, do you remember the Undertaker’s theme from about 1990-1996? Yep, that would be my closer music.

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